What’s Wrong With Me?

Have you ever asked yourself that question? Have you ever been so discouraged-- sinking in the mire of despair that you cried out, “What’s wrong with me?”. I have too. Much to my amazement, I found a number of the Biblical writers felt the same.

Last week, we listened as Jeremiah refocused his mind from the “wormwood and gall” of his circumstances onto the faithfulness and mercy of God in my blog post entitled Change the Channel. This week, we can listen in as an unnamed worship leader pours out his discouragement into song lyrics for The Sons of Korah, in our vernacular--the worship team. The song lyrics appear in our Bibles as Psalm 42-43. (Though numbered as two psalms, scholars agree Psalms 42-43 were originally one psalm based on similar themes and styles.) 

This psalmist begins by observing that his soul is depleted and discouraged. However, He knows he needs to get alone with God to refresh his soul and reorient his thoughts, describing it this way in Psalm 42:1-2: “. . .as a deer pants for flowing streams, so my soul pants for You O God.” He finds himself so distressed that he cries out in desperation: “Why are you cast down, o my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?”

Has your soul ever been in turmoil—agitated and disquieted? I know mine has. Like the psalmist, I’ve asked myself the same question—how did I get here? What led me into this hole? Reflection upon the originating source of my angst usually leads me to pour out my grievances to God in prayer as this songwriter does. Though we are not privy to the details of his circumstances, we can infer that: 

He is facing ridicule, as he mentions taunting, and asks God for vindication from wrongs said and done against him. He is so discouraged by his situation that he is driven to sleeplessness and tears. (Psalm 42:3 & Psalm 43:1)

He is set aside from his usual place of ministry and feels isolated as a result. He recalls that he used to lead the worship procession but now does not, for whatever reason. He also anticipates taking up his lyre as he, once again, leads the worship procession. (Psalm 42:4 & Psalm 43:3-4)

Though he states the reality of his circumstances before God, he does not set up camp there and prepare for an extended stay.  Rather than dwelling upon his hard circumstances, he calls to mind God's strength and faithfulness, reminding himself to look for supporting evidence in three key places.

He observes the created world. (Psalm 42:5-7)

He seeks the truth of Scripture. (Psalm 43:3) 

He calls to mind God’s tender closeness in other seasons of hardship. (Psalm 42:8)

I find it refreshingly honest that there is no effervescing burst of praise recorded in this psalm. Nevertheless, he does the best he can in his circumstances. He reminds himself that even though the storm rages now, it will not last forever. The storm will break at some point; he will not always have to fight so hard for hope.

As I observed this songwriter’s thought process, it sounded oddly familiar. I, too, have fought my way out of similar holes of despair in the dark of night. Like you, I have weathered extended seasons of distressing hardship. I have been discouraged to the point of sleeplessness and tears. I have felt the crushing loneliness of isolating circumstances and thought they would never end.

Like this psalmist, I, too, have forcibly reminded myself of the strength and faithfulness of God and the truth of Scripture. I have known His tender presence in dark and lonely places. I know this path well—the one that begins in a hole of despair and ends in the same place this songwriter ends. Despite his lack of hopeful feelings, he reminds himself that his current hardships will not last forever and tenaciously resolves to place his trust in God anyway. 

Many times, that was the best I could do. I could talk to Him about my needs and acknowledge Him as my only help. I could forcibly remind myself of His strength and faithfulness spelled out in Scripture and lived out through my own experience. Then, whether I felt hopeful or not, I could resolve to stand fast upon the truth and say along with the unnamed songwriter:

“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall yet praise him, my salvation and my God.”