Wrestling

Have you ever wrestled with God? I have; I never win. Honestly, it’s a fight I don’t want to win. Here’s how it plays out. I intake a Scripture passage, and the truth ignites a fight within me. The truth of Scripture confronts, exposes, and tackles the lies deeply embedded in my soul, and a wrestling match ensues. My pride takes a gut punch. It is not enough to absorb the truth. I must allow it to confront, expose, and choke out those lies. That is where the battle ensues within me. 

Like me, perhaps your mind and heart are prone to discouragement and despair. When I fix my gaze upon my looming circumstances, discouragement quickly overwhelms me, and I sink  into the pit of despair. Scripture says: 

“. . .fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)

I breathe in the truth of His constant presence, His strong and tender attention to my needs yet struggle to embrace it when it doesn’t feel true at the moment. However, the truth remains true whether it feels true or not. I must embrace it by faith; it’s uncomfortable and unsettling. 

Scripture says: “. . . do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and mind in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4: 6-7)

I read it, and the wrestling match ensues.  I agree that prayer is the antidote to my fretful stewing. However, praying instead of worrying seems simplistic, and another wrestling match ensues. Offloading my burdens into His hands requires trust and faith at unfamiliar and uncomfortable levels. It requires that I release my plans, my timeframes, and my understanding. However, as I allow the truth to soak into my soul, and oust the firmly embedded lies, He illuminates the stepping stones on the path forward. The first step, I have found, is usually faithful obedience. 

I wrestle with the truth because it involves obedience. I cannot remain as I am and move deeper in my relationship with God. I must allow the truth to change me; that assaults my pride. As I step forward in faithful obedience, my faith is uncomfortably stretched as it grows stronger.

As the process deepens, I find myself in constant conversation with my Savior as the truth continually runs headlong into my agenda—and the wrestling match goes on. However, the more I revisit the Scriptures that combat the ensnaring lies and highlight the life-giving truth the stronger and deeper my relationship with Him grows. I have found the more I walk in faithful obedience, the more fully I walk in the light of His favor. 

Scripture says “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32) 

Scripture calls me to view offenses committed against me in light of my offenses against Christ—egregious offenses paid in full by the holy blood of Christ. This requires that I own my failings, which is a gut punch to my pride. It asks that I release my right to exact penalty and appoint myself as my offender’s judge and jury. It calls me to release my offender to the One Who judges rightly. My flesh bristles, saying I am justified in my anger, I have every right to soak and sour in my toxic stew of resentment—and a wrestling match ensues. Will my pride keep me in the chokehold of resentment or will I humbly release my offender?

 I have found, that the more Scripture I take in, the more the process perpetuates and deepens. With each step of faithful obedience, we move deeper with Him, and the result is worshipful surrender. As we allow the truth of Scripture to crumble the walls of our resistance, agree with Him, and follow in faithful obedience, our hearts rise in surrender and worship. 

It all begins with a wrestling match in our souls, a wrestling match that I don’t want to win. I win when I surrender and follow these words of truth from Scripture. 

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to the Father through him.” (Colossians 3:16-17)