Dear Jesus, From Martha
Dear Jesus,
I’m caught in a vicious cycle. I like to work and I’m good at it. I feel valuable from being productive. I enjoy the accolades and approving nods that follow great accomplishment. I also desire to give You my best. I will gladly do whatever You ask of me, though it cost me money, sleep, time and even push me well beyond my limitations. Therefore, I work and I cannot stop. I find myself depleted, exhausted. Should the approving nods become condescending silence, my soul is bruised. Though I long for the approving embrace of my Father, how can I possibly measure up? A daughter of God should never become exhausted in His service. Shouldn’t a daughter of the King be continually refreshed by deep draughts from the well of living water? Shouldn’t she be a perpetual wellspring of wisdom and inspiration to others, forever hopeful and abounding in joy? If so, then why am I forever depleted, exhausted and driven by an unseen task master? Why am I forever chasing the mirage of approval? Whatever I do, it’s never enough--my work, my striving for excellence is never enough. I work to prove my worth. I produce to show my value, and I’ve believed an insidious lie: More work equals more worth; more productivity equals more value.
I long to break free from this cycle, yet I’m not sure how. The prospect frightens me. How will I know I matter? How will I know I’m valuable? How will I know I make a worthwhile contribution to this world if I produce less?
You illuminate before me a better path, one of trust, rest and relationship. This pathway glows with hope that my striving can cease, the mirages of approval can melt in the sunlight of grace. I can stop and drink deeply from the wellspring of life. The prospect lures me onward, yet it seems to good to be true. To move forward will mean leaving behind this dreadful cycle in which I live. It is familiar, though it is my task master. To move onward into freedom, I must embark on a journey into the unknown—You and I on a journey toward freedom. As frightening as it is, where You walk and bid me follow, how could I possibly refuse?
Following in Faith,
Martha